i used to spend my time dreaming of being alive
by panlesters
Summary: (now i only spend it dreaming of you.) post-first date season 2. Jake has slowly fallen more and more for Amy, and he can barely believe he even got that chance with her.


_**This kind of came to me while I was listening to Fall Out Boy and I am eternally grateful. It has been so long since I started a fanfiction and finished it, let alone published it. This is quite possibly some terrible writing with some OOC Jake and Amy, but it's a first attempt for a long time. Enjoy!**_

Jake's always felt the need to have some kind of rough exterior around Amy. It's always impressed the ladies to be a rugged cop who knows he's good at what he does, and without much thought, he assumes this will work on Amy. It's a delicate balance though, a hint of arrogance without being rude or stand-offish. It took him a long time to realise how much he wanted her to notice him, _really_ notice him, but now he sees it.

As a kid, he imagined all the wild adventures he could have, following in the footsteps of every hero in every cop movie he'd ever watched. When he left the police academy, all he wanted was some kind of glory. He wanted his John McClane moment and he wanted to have a badass reputation. Being a cop was less about community action and more about being as cool as he possibly could. It was all he could think about in dangerous cases, that he could leave emblazoned in glory and honour, all while doing good.

When he met Amy, that all began to change. He began to worry about himself on the tough cases, when there was a danger to his life. What if he never saw Amy again? He found himself thriving on her smiles and laughter, and the idea of never seeing that smile, hearing that laughter again, was too much to allow him to enjoy the near-death experiences he used to crave. When they went into dangerous situations together, he found himself checking her every time he heard a gunshot, every time there was a shuffle or an unexpected movement near them. It was no longer about glory or his John McClane moment. It was about Amy. And that was it.

When Jake and Amy go on their first date, it's horrifically awkward. Until they decide they're getting drunk, that is. As they begin to relax into the alcohol, any awkwardness is replaced with desperation, fuelled by the realisation that _all this time_ , they've been meant for each other. This was always meant to happen.

When Jake wakes up the morning after their first date and Amy is not in the bed beside him, he panics. He's always known that she's too good for him. It's always been there, sat in the back of his mind, taunting him every time he's imagined anything happening between them. And they broke a rule; Amy Santiago does not break the rules. He pushed them too far and now he's lost her, before he even really had her. He rolls over onto his side and begins beating himself up for how he was too forward or too much, but he's suddenly mesmerised by the make-up stains on the pillow beside him. He didn't have a chance to notice it last night when things were heated and urgent, but he takes a moment to drink in the fact that it _happened_ , that for one brief moment in time Amy liked him back, and wanted him. There's a mascara stain on the pillow, and a light hint of lipstick. He really, _really_ hopes there's a little bit of lipstick on him, too. Something real, to let him know that it really happened, that for one night they were in sync before it was over.

It doesn't take long, though, for his thoughts to trail back towards 'you couldn't even keep her for one night, what the hell made you think you could ever be good for Amy Santiago?' And so he lies there, staring at the make-up, the only physical evidence that last night happened, wishing beyond wishing he could have kept his cool and in turn kept Amy.

And this is how Amy finds him when she pokes her head round the door to see if he's still asleep. He is staring down at her make-up stains on his pillow, a rejected look on his face, stricken with pain. She frowns for a moment, confused, before her brain connects the dots and she understands.

Amy has been getting up with the sun for as long as she can remember, and with nine other people in the house she has had to learn to make breakfast quietly, without waking up the rest of the household. So, of course she works in silence to make pancakes with maple syrup the way she knows Jake likes (from taking in his rambles about being homesick and trying to make his mother's pancakes, failing miserably). She glides around the kitchen, finishing up breakfast and pulling out two forks from Jake's drawer, before making her way back towards Jake's room.

She opens the door with enough force to attract Jake's attention, and her heart melts. His face is suddenly filled with relief, a sudden realisation that no, he was not too forward or too much, he didn't lose Amy at all.

It's at that moment that Jake knows he's in love with Amy Santiago. He knows she's the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. But he can't tell her that on the morning after their first date. He's just managed to cling onto her by the skin of his teeth, he _really_ can't risk screwing up.

"Nice to see you're awake, sleepy head," Amy teases lightly as she walks towards the bed.

Jake is stunned to silence watching her move, dressed in only his shirt. He melts, falling for her all over again.

"I thought -"

"Hey," Amy smiles, "I'm not going anywhere. This, right here, is everything I've ever wanted."

 _ **Comments are much appreciated! Come scream about Jake and Amy with me on tumblr hearteyes-peralta**_


End file.
